I'm listening to a conversation and they are talking too loudly so everyone can hear how intelligent they sound when they use terms like "avant-garde" and "disingenuous" in regards to a shitty comedy on TV. They sit there like everyone cares and they are their own reality TV show.
It's important to sound smart, and their opinions matter.
But I'm just trying to eat a fucking burrito and forget about the decisions I have to make and the nagging sense that I just really need to escape this god-awful town. I keep dreaming at night and crying because in my dreams I'm really happy, or really lost, or stuck in the middle of gunfire and grenades.
I'm starting to wonder what it'd be like things had been different a few months ago. I'd probably just be more bored and make worse decisions. I'd probably eat more junk and drink more vodka and dance more often or sit around depressed with Emily gone again .
I'd probably complain to my mom about the assholes I'm listening to outside of Chipotle and think about moving to Korea or Poland, somewhere that snows in the winter, and I could see things prettier and older than 18 year old party girls stumbling downtown. I'm sick of it all but there's reasons not to leave; I've actually got a lot going for me for once, but I guess I just can't ever see that. I'm blinded by the idiocy of everyone around me and the fear that I'm just as pointless as everyone else.
It's important to sound smart, and their opinions matter.
But I'm just trying to eat a fucking burrito and forget about the decisions I have to make and the nagging sense that I just really need to escape this god-awful town. I keep dreaming at night and crying because in my dreams I'm really happy, or really lost, or stuck in the middle of gunfire and grenades.
I'm starting to wonder what it'd be like things had been different a few months ago. I'd probably just be more bored and make worse decisions. I'd probably eat more junk and drink more vodka and dance more often or sit around depressed with Emily gone again .
I'd probably complain to my mom about the assholes I'm listening to outside of Chipotle and think about moving to Korea or Poland, somewhere that snows in the winter, and I could see things prettier and older than 18 year old party girls stumbling downtown. I'm sick of it all but there's reasons not to leave; I've actually got a lot going for me for once, but I guess I just can't ever see that. I'm blinded by the idiocy of everyone around me and the fear that I'm just as pointless as everyone else.
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