It could be worse

• I could have no arms
• I could have too many arms
• I could have broccoli stuck in every tooth
• I could be wearing braces with broccoli stuck in every tooth
• I could be wearing braces with rubber bands and broccoli stuck in my teeth
• I could have a UTI
• I could be a cat with a URI
• I could be eating ice cream with crap hidden in it
• I could be climbing Mt. Everest
• I could be climbing a tree with biting ants infesting it
• I could be eating jello with crickets in it
• I could be bit by another angry cat that then escapes from the building
• I could be bit by a dog 2x my size
• I could look like this:

(the monster or the baby)

The happy couple

• I could have an inner-ear infection that makes me walk in a circle
• I could get my front tooth knocked out
• I could get dropped on my face in a horrible piggy back ride accident
• I could be on an airplane for 24 hours
• I could be lost somewhere in Ukraine
• I could be sleeping in a room with no heating or insulation while it's snowing outside
• I could be married to Chad Kroeger (no I couldn't, that's Avril's job)
• I could be sprayed by a skunk
• I could be so drunk that I'm trying to sleep on the bathroom floor next to the toilet
• I could be throwing up in the bathroom at the Banshee 
• I could have food poisoning from nasty old meat
• I could be staring at a dead fish
• I could be writing this ridiculous list on my phone instead of on my computer
• I could be eating sand
• I could be building a giant sandcastle when a wave comes and ruins the whole thing
• I could be gargling the mouthwash they make you use before getting your wisdom teeth out
• I could be working at Lifetouch
• I could be having sex dreams about ugly people
• I could be driving my car with the headlights off after drinking beers
• I could be listening to Taylor Swift's song "We are never ever getting back together" on repeat in a box where I am not allowed to turn the music off or change the station
• I could be listening to Dave Matthews Band's entire discography on repeat
• I could be listening to Maroon 5 while watching videos of Adam Levine being his usually douche-baggy self in a box where I can't turn off the projection or volume

F you, Adam

• I could be stuck on the other side of a glass wall where Chompy is looking at me adorably but I can't touch him
• I could be in jail
• I could be in Quebec surrounded by Chantalles but not be allowed to see Lydoyl
• I could have unlimited money but not be able to leave Chico
• I could find out that my mom is actually an alien in a human suit
• I could find out that I am also actually an alien in a human suit

an odd-ball history

Disclaimer: I don't even remember when I wrote this; I found it on my old hard drive. And I'm not mad at anyone who may or may not have been in this story in real life....

I became jaded in 7^th grade when I realized the boy I liked was an asshole. I mean, it was about time I just sucked it all up and grew a shield anyway. I cried all the time in elementary school; my name was practically Crybaby. I am pretty sure I responded to that title; by responding I mean I looked at the person who spoke it and cried even more. So following that elementary turmoil and also mom’s marriage (with the addition of two step sibling) I was bound to turn out this way. My step siblings had their good qualities. And they really did know how to insult people. I learned from the best. And after being punched in the boob about a million times by my step-sister, which she seemed to find hilarious, I figured it was time to stop whining and fight back. 

Back to the part about the boy I liked being an asshole.

When going into seventh grade, there is only one thing to look forward to. That “thing” would be dances. I couldn’t imagine anything more wonderful than “Truly, Madly, Deeply” blasting over speakers and slow dancing with a hottie. So when the fateful day came around I had my best friends over and we got ready in the bathroom for like an hour. I’m not sure how that’s even possible considering I didn’t even have a hair straightener at the time, let alone any mascara. We were probably blasting Nsync through the house--gettin’ pumped. When it came time to drive down the road towards the dance hall we were nervous and afraid our butterfly clips would fall out of our hair or something. We walked in and went immediately into the bathroom to make sure we still looked okay (because it had been a whole ten minutes since we last saw ourselves). It was pretty awkward to be honest; all the 8^th graders knew the drill and were already getting cozy on the dance floor, but all the 7^th graders stood there in a daze. The ones who did get the courage to dance went out onto the dance floor with their partner as soon as Kci and Jojo came on, but they danced like 2 feet apart from each other with their arms straight out and stiff as sticks. The 8^th graders definitely knew what was going on; they were all up ons and grabbing each other’s butts. Anyway, I knew that wasn’t about to be me, but I figured I could find someone and ask him to dance and it would be cool enough to just dance a tree-branch-arm’s-length away. I don’t think I had ever even touched a guy’s shoulder anyway.

Naturally I decided I would ask John because we had liked each other for basically our whole lives. Yes, I consider 4^th, 5^th and 6^th grade my whole life at this point. Seriously, there was no point to my life before I first saw John on my first day of full time GATE class. He was also the only guy that didn’t ever call me a name and he liked Hanson because I liked Hanson. He had blue eyes and blonde hair. The perfect boy, I know! So, I walked up to John after I saw his mom at the table that was selling cookies; she totally encouraged me and told me that she hoped me and John would get married some day. I saw him standing near the dance floor and I was talking myself into asking him and getting kind of nervous but “of course he will say ‘yes’ because we are meant to be an everyone knows it!” plus “he told me in 5^th grade that he would ask me out in 7^th grade because that is when he’d be allowed to have a girlfriend. And now we are in 7^th grade!!!!!!!”  Well I was wrong. I walked right up to him and asked “hey John, do you want to dance with me?” (And you have to know that something amazing like Savage Garden was on, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked him.) And you know what he said?

NO!

He said NO!

He was the love of my life and he said no to dancing with me. He wouldn’t even dance with me with our arms straight out like sticks two feet apart from one another, after all the time I spent on my hair and my nonexistent make up and putting body glitter on! Are you freakin’ kidding me!?!?! How is this possible? I mean, I know he had been a jerk in the past, like when he went out with Kay at outdoor school even though she knew I liked him and I thought she was my friend. But she didn’t go to our jr. high, he had no girlfriend and he liked me for nearly 3 years in elementary school. HOW COULD HE DENY ME OF THIS!?!?

Then, since I was a 7^th grade girl at her first dance, I grabbed a couple friends, told them the horrible news and spent the remainder of the dance crying in the bathroom. That’s right, back to being a Crybaby after a whole summer with a dry face.

After this incident, John was my worst enemy and I don’t think he even knew it. I can really hold a grudge. Being denied this simple dance at age 12 with the guy I adored was enough to callous me for life. Dances after this one were much better to say the least. I just avoided him like the plague. I danced with as many random guys as possible and sometimes they were very unattractive and then there were the occasional stinky ones, but it was just important to me to dance with people and not be denied. I don’t think I was ever denied a dance again after that incident. And if someone did deny me, I’m sure I would call him an asshole to their face.

but it's not true

The weather is changing, and when I close my eyes I feel like I'm somewhere else. The house is smaller and messier and I don't want to get out of bed. I am secure, warm, and the blankets are tucked up around me. I think it will snow, and I'll walk out into it smiling because it's clean and new and for a second I can forget every other pointless thing in my life.

Boo hoo

I'm listening to a conversation and they are talking too loudly so everyone can hear how intelligent they sound when they use terms like "avant-garde" and "disingenuous" in regards to a shitty comedy on TV. They sit there like everyone cares and they are their own reality TV show.
It's important to sound smart, and their opinions matter.
But I'm just trying to eat a fucking burrito and forget about the decisions I have to make and the nagging sense that I just really need to escape this god-awful town. I keep dreaming at night and crying because in my dreams I'm really happy, or really lost, or stuck in the middle of gunfire and grenades.
I'm starting to wonder what it'd be like things had been different a few months ago. I'd probably just be more bored and make worse decisions. I'd probably eat more junk and drink more vodka and dance more often or sit around depressed with Emily gone again .
I'd probably complain to my mom about the assholes I'm listening to outside of Chipotle and think about moving to Korea or Poland, somewhere that snows in the winter, and I could see things prettier and older than 18 year old party girls stumbling downtown. I'm sick of it all but there's reasons not to leave; I've actually got a lot going for me for once, but I guess I just can't ever see that. I'm blinded by the idiocy of everyone around me and the fear that I'm just as pointless as everyone else.

23

Twenty-three is not knowing what I want; and going and going and going and trying to hold on to things I don't care about because maybe eventually I will. But I don't. And I'll throw it away or be thrown away and there's so much shit piling by the wayside and I don't even know if I care, really, deep down. 

I'm caught in some circumstance that I can't exactly explain, because it's complicated and I feel like I'm fourteen again with the confusion and hormones except now it's just adulthood and indecision. 

I just need to leave. 

And I can't.

Through all the garbage and ridiculousness and asshole ex-boyfriends, people stop making sense. Everything bright and hopeful, all the freedom and happiness that you thought you discovered when you were twenty-two dissolves. I can't replicate it. But I've found that in the midst of it all, there still are people who make things seem worth staying for, and fighting for. And I guess that's enough.

Dating in Chico

Dating in this town is like trying to dodge landmines while being attacked by shit covered puppies. Overall, everyone seems unfortunate, but you dig a little deeper and they seem kind of cool, but then you realize they are actually crazy and you have to run away quickly but without being too rude about it. I know this because I've been home for like seven months now and I've for some idiotic reason thought off and on that it might be a good idea to get a boyfriend. I've been on a few dates and I guess none of them have been THAT bad. No serial killers or anything that I know of. And normally they pay for dinner which is always a plus.

Rule One: Never start "hanging out" with someone you met who works at the bar you always go to. I guess this is probably obvious to most people. No matter how nice and uncreepy they seem, once you stop hanging out with them (because they broke up with you on facebook) it's kind of weird to go to the bar for a while. I got over that pretty fast, but it's still not the funnest thing, like "oh hey person over there who I used to make out with sometimes, let's pretend I'm not wearing this low cut dress just because I knew I'd have to run into you tonight and I wanted to make you remember you're an idiot," and then have an awkward conversation like "oh yeah I haven't seen you in a while, oh really? you heard that I got too drunk last week at Duffys and slapped your roommate in the face for no apparent reason?" Yeah, it sucks. So don't do it. 

Rule Two: Don't get a boyfriend after only knowing them for like three days. No matter how hot this guy is, and how funny and weird and awesome he seems. If he wants to be your boyfriend after three days, he probably has some sort of unresolved issues. Like the sort of issue that he wants to break up with you just as suddenly as he met you and wanted to start calling you his girlfriend. He probably also has really weird hair that for some reason is also really hot even though you normally would think it was stupid.
Rule Three: If you meet someone in a place that you go to all the time, and he also goes to all the time, be careful, because after he breaks up with you, you'll probably want to avoid that place. I guess this is almost the same as the dating a bar-guy situation, except in this case  I have a coffee shop in mind and he didn't work there. Just loitered there sometimes, waiting to pick up on chicks probably with some dumb line that didn't seem like a line but maybe it was! Who knows! Can you tell I'm bitter? Anyway, every time you want to go get coffee you start wondering, should I really go there? And then you try to remember what his work schedule was like because if there is a good chance he's at work during that time, it's probably safe to go get coffee, but if it's not then you run the risk of seeing him and his stupid hair.
Rule Four: If someone you know dares you to "get that guy's phone number in thirty seconds," you should definitely weigh the consequences. The darer may buy you and all your friends drinks if you do it, which is a plus, but then you have asked this guy for his number and he's super stoked. And then he will take you on a date that turns out to be really pleasant and nice and probably one of the nicer dates you've been taken on in a long time, but then you have this weird expectation to go on more dates and there's the problem of getting it across to him that you don't really want to date him seriously. Which, in my case, means I panic and never respond to the most recent text they sent me and avoid the people they hang out with. I'm super mature! Anyway, back to the point, was it worth the free drinks to have to deal with this weirdness? I don't know. I still feel bad because the guy was so nice and I just never texted him back!
Rule Five: Don't kiss someone on New Years Eve who you think will be a person you never have to see again (because he lives three hours way), but then then agree to go on a date with him a week later. If he is willing to drive 3 hours to take you (a drunk person he met at The Beach) on a date, that's really nice. A little too nice. Especially if he shows up with a bottle of Georgian wine (because you said you missed it) and makes sure to tell you how difficult it was to track down a bottle of Georgian wine. Turns out dude was getting a little too devoted a little too fast. I think he told him his whole life story the first date. I just felt overwhelmed and freaked out. Poor guy.
Rule Six: Don't loan your books out to guys who will probably never read them, and if you do, make sure you get them back before you break up with him online (hey, I was in another country) otherwise it will be a year and a half later and you still haven't gotten your favorite books back!
Rule Seven: Bros are bros. Don't ever forget it. Even if they look really good and are funnier than a typical bro and you are really in denial about the whole "being a bro" thing. Sometimes you won't know what the hell weird Bay Area slang they are using and you just have to nod your head and hope the context solves the problem for you. On Facebook, they will do things like post pictures of themselves playing a ton of beer pong with no shirt on and then post pictures of themselves working out with no shirt on. It's probably not going to work out in the long term. So just stop looking at how good they look in their pictures without their shirt on, because that's probably what they are hoping you're doing. Try to find someone who has read a book in their life.


That's what I can think of for now. But don't worry, I'm sure I'll think of more things as I go on having terrible failed dates all the time. Being single is amazing.

c

'Oh, darling,' she said. 'You will be good to me, won't you?'
What the hell, I thought. I stroked her hair and patted her shoulder. She was crying.
'You will, won't you?' She looked up at me. 'Because we're going to have a strange life.'

-A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway 

Would you eat placenta?

Yesterday I read this article about eating placenta.
First, let's start off by saying that I read this by chance, someone on my Facebook had linked to it for some reason. I was not, on my own, thinking about eating placenta. Not that I haven't thought of it though. I've thought about it a decent amount. Mostly when I think about vegans it comes to mind because I heard that vegans will eat placenta because it's the only meat that comes from life and not death, or something like that. Anyway, I always thought it sounded weird. But then I read this article and I started to think it sounded kind of cool!  Maybe I'm getting too open minded for my own good. It also helped that I started thinking that it was sort of being like a cannibal in a way, except less creepy because it's like eating human meat but you didn't have to kill a human for it. And in fact, you produce it yourself! Amazing! I could eat my own self and my kid at once! WOAH! Mind blowing.
I mean, also, according to that article it's amazingly healthy and somehow energizing just just crazily powerful stuff. I'm surprised there aren't mass marketed placenta pills at this point. I mean, some people don't have kids, and who really wants to start cookin' up their placenta days after giving birth? I decided to myself that I would try to save my placenta if I could find myself some sort of master chef who would cook it for me and present it to me in a tasty dish. Maybe like deep fried placenta with hot wing sauce or like a steak with cheese and mushrooms on top. It's starting to sound amazing! And then I won't have postpartum depression and I'll produce copious amounts of breast milk for my hypothetical baby to enjoy!

So, in my head, this was sounded basically like my perfect feast after giving birth and I was pretty stoked. Until I got it in my head to Google Image Search "placenta."

Worst. Idea. Ever.

I am not eating that shit. Ever. Even if I made it myself and it came out of my own body, was incredibly clean, cooked by a master chef and presented to me by Taylor Hanson wearing a classy waiter suit. Never. Ever. Going to happen. I'd rather eat a life-size wax statue of Barbara Walters.

"...you can't have anything at all. Because desire just cheats you. It's like a sunbeam skipping here and there about a room. It stops and gilds some inconsequential object, and we poor fools try to grasp it--but when we do the sunbeam moves on to something else, and you've got the inconsequential part, but the glitter that made you want it is gone."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

Chico/Dreams

Last night I had a dream that I went into a mall that was massive and confusing and somehow when you went out the other side you went into a city like LA. I was lost in the mall and couldn't find my way out but kept finding things like Disney Orchestras (lead by Mickey Mouse of course) and TV show sets. I was running through all the seats and jumping over them like hurdles. I finally found my way to the Chico exit and ran straight out into Children's Park and I was so happy to see downtown and the trees and the college that I started rolling around in the grass and saying "I love Chico! I'm so happy to be home!"

So I guess I don't hate it here, really. I mean, I know I don't, but sometimes I feel like I can't stand it anymore.

Dating/Awkwardness

I'm really bad at dating. I don't even know half the time if I'm just having a friendly hang out with someone or if whatever it is is constituting as a real date. It's a wonder I've even had boyfriends. I'm really awkward. First "dates" usually involve me talking about really weird things that I probably shouldn't talk about with relative strangers and just being really confused in general.  The worst part, which I suppose is probably normal for a lot of single people, is that I get way weirder when I am actually interested in someone. Or maybe it's not that I'm any weirder than usual, I just start overanalyzing my weirdness afterward. When I go out on a date with a guy who I'm just whatever about, I do whatever I want and say whatever I want and it doesn't matter. But then if I go out with a guy who I think is cute, I'll say all sort of weird things and later be like "why the hell did I say that."

So, based on awkward things I've done sort of recently (not necessarily even on dates), I figure I'll compile a list of things you might not want to talk about with guys you don't know very well.

1. Parasites. Yeah, I Google parasites in my free time. I know which things are transferable to humans from animals. Which ones can be contracted from walking on the beaches in Thailand. Which ones dogs get… All sort of weird things. Going on a five minute long tangent about them with people I've just met MIGHT not be the smoothest move. But you know, could have been worse. 

2. Human Centipede. Turns out this person had never heard of it and I had to explain to him what the movie was about. Now I'm just a creeper

3. STDs. Saying "well, I heard that one in four people have an STD by the time they are 25; I'm surprised none of my friends or I have gotten one yet. It's like a surprise to see who will get one first!" I wasn't serious, but now this person probably thinks I'm a slut even though I'm not. And this came up like 10 min after the Human Centipede conversation. Damn it.

4. Puppies. Ok. Puppies are okay to talk about, unless you're insane about them like I am. Apparently I can go on and on about dogs for really extended periods of time if I'm uninterrupted. I think it's becoming a problem. I'm making an effort to calm it down at least a little bit, but it's really hard (especially since now I spend 40 hours a week working with dogs, and the rest of the time at home with my own dogs). I have gotten drunk and made people look at pictures of dogs on my phone and then not remembered the next day. Yeah, it's a problem. And if a guy doesn't like dogs much he just thinks you're crazy. It's better to ease into the dog obsession talk. Then he already likes you by the time he realizes you're weird. I say this though, and I've been on multiple dates where after like an hour the guy says to me "so, you really love dogs, don't you?" or "so, what do you like? besides dogs?"

5. "What's the worst injury you've ever had?" Once I asked a guy this question and it lead into a very intense and sad story that I don't even want to write about online. I felt pretty bad about it too, but I don't know why he was telling me something so intense on a first date. Keep the intensity for at least the second or third date when someone has sort of decided if they think you're cool or not.

6. Ex-boyfriends. Try not to mention them a lot. Even if they are part of a lot of your stories. You should just call the person your friend. "My friend let me borrow his computer for a year but then wanted it back randomly out of nowhere so I didn't have one." That sort of thing. Especially if you have stories about multiple ex-boyfriends. You wouldn't want to say "my other ex boyfriend gave me this cell phone" and "another ex-boyfriend thought he could see peoples' auras." You're just sounding crazy and like someone who has had way too many boyfriends and obviously has commitment problems. Just say "my friend" every time and you will just seem like a very desirable and popular person who has a lot of friends!

7. Hanson. If you're obsessed with Hanson, like I am, that's something you should keep on the DL for a little while also. Probably don't want to blab about how "when I'm stressed out I always have dreams that I'm friends with Hanson!" and going on about how hot Taylor looks in one of the 40 live videos of "Penny & Me" you watched last night. 

8. Planned Parenthood. Turns out not everyone knows that Planned Parenthood isn’t a place only for getting abortions. So when you see someone you know who works there, you shouldn’t say “oh hey ____ I just saw you when I was at Planned Parenthood the other day!” The guy you are with, who might not know that you can just get a regular OBGYN check-up might think you were just there getting an abortion or something.
9. Going home because you miss your dog. Even if you guys just watched the episode of Game of Thrones where they have to kill Lady the dire wolf and you start thinking too much about "what if Chompy got murdered?" it's a little weird to tell a guy that you want to go home because you miss your dog.


So that's a basic list of what I've come up with easily. There are a probably a lot more idiotic things to avoid (or not avoid if you're as smooth as I am).

Shake it out

You laid on the ground and pointed out shapes in stars but they weren't constellations.
At some point you'll have to get up and go to work.
You'll have to feed your dogs and pick up your dirty laundry. You'll have to clean the toilet and wash  dishes. You'll have to pay your bills and go to the bank. You'll have to leave someone you love.
You won't be able to sleep. You'll be to busy thinking about the sky and the rain and wondering if anything you said made sense. You'll try to recount everything and think about the ways it could have been better or worse.

You'll convince yourself you have a disease and you're going to die. You'll worry about falling in love or not falling in love. You'll convince yourself that nothing matters but your mom and your dogs.
But sometimes you wish you had someone else to talk to. Someone with random insight; someone who won't love you unconditionally out of necessity. Someone who will yell at you and say that you're wrong every now and then; someone who will tell you that you are crazy but accept at all the weird things you're afraid of like possums in the wall and barbed wire and jellyfish. 

I like to overanalyze.
Why?
Because I've got nothing better to do with my time.

----

I have no words to explain how "homesick" I feel for Georgia when I look at my former students' pictures of them having fun and getting drunk together in the village. They are growing up so quickly.
And who knows I've I'll ever see any of them again.

I told you a million things and I can't remember any of them. 

But that's not me.

Songs I would marry

I get stuck in question ruts. For example, I have the same questions I've been asking people I don't know very well since Emily and I came up with them when we were like 15. Somehow I've come to believe that these questions are some sort of personality test. As if I could really decide how I feel about a person based on their answers. This being said, people who refuse to answer a question or just say "I don't know" are the suckiest of all people. They are not creative; they are no fun; they basically don't have what it takes to be in my circle of cool people (which you know is SUPER important).

One of these questions has been "if you could marry a song, what song would you marry?" A lot of times the song you choose to marry isn't necessarily even your favorite song. There is just something about it that gets you. Sometimes you can't really explain it. But you know if this song was a human.... wow!

Here are my songs:

"Broadripple is Burning" Margot & the Nuclear So and So's

This song is absolutely amazing. There are few songs that make me feel how this song does. Sometimes it makes me cry just because I think it's so beautiful and I think the lyrics are exactly how I feel. Especially in the past year or so. And if I could marry something, wouldn't I want to marry something like that?

"In a Little While" Hanson

Okay, obligatory Hanson choice. Taylor's voice.... I would marry that voice alone if it were even possible. Anyway, this song is actually a U2 song and Hanson does a badass live cover it. The best cover I've ever heard of any song in my life. Hanson just sings like they really mean it when they sing. I love it so much!!!!!

Talking in Code

"If you're touring your mind, you'll get lost every time."

does it even matter.

dreams/the end

Last night I had a dream that we were being evacuated because there was a bomb threat in the neighborhood. It was the middle of the night and we had been sleeping. We left and started running down the street. There was a mob of people and police officers, firemen and emergency vehicles with lights flashing.
Suddenly, the sky lit up with fireworks. The most beautiful fireworks any of us had ever seen. We stopped running to look, and people were saying "Maybe it wasn't a real bomb threat! Maybe people just wanted to surprise us all with a great firework show!" But I knew that that it was a trick, to stop us from running, so we wouldn't be prepared when the real bomb exploded.
And then it hit. I thought to myself "this is it." There was a loud boom and we felt heat, and everything turned to black.
I woke up.

Which is worse?

Yet again I'm going to write on here some rambling note about popular songs that no one gives two shits about. But you know what? These songs are bothering me. And I'm going to preface this by saying that I listen to the radio too much, and it has some really really shitty songs on it. What occurs to me as weirdest though is which songs I sit through and which songs I turn off. I suppose it's something like a car wreck. You can't stop looking even though it's repulsive and sad. And with music, I can't stop listening , even when it's repulsive and sad. I mostly mean it's sad when you think about what a crazy world we live in that makes these particular songs mainstream and enjoyed by the masses. Really. I listen to music about big asses bouncing around and about promiscuous sex and stacks of money, yet there are millions of people sick and starving around the world. We've really got our priorities in line!

Anyway. After coming back from Georgia, I really don't have a very good sense of what is popular because I only keep up with music I really like (i.e. Hanson and Lady Gaga). Everything else is like a surprise. In Georgia, pop music basically consisted of one Selena Gomez, everywhere I went. So, naturally when I got back I put on the radio. And shockingly, we have like 3 new radio stations. They all play the same five songs over and over again. It's especially exciting when all the stations are playing the same Katy Perry song at the same time.

A couple days after I got home last month, I remember putting on the radio and hearing this gem:

(5 O'Clock- T-Pain ft Wiz Khalifa & Lily Allen)I immediately sent Kate a text asking her who the hell it was and saying it was the worst thing I've ever heard.  

I pretty much stand by that statement. Until today when I heard this:

(International Love- Pitbull ft. Chris Brown)

I guess somehow I sort of missed the whole T-Pain thing. Like, all I knew was he was some guy who used auto-tune a lot, but I had never really heard him until this song. It's seriously painful. And I don't mind autotune. For example, over summer I was kind of obsessed with the Lil' Wayne song "How to love." Autotune has it's place in music these days, a little bit is just kind of fun. But T-Pain... woaaah there buddy, it's evident that you have absolutely no skills if you have to take it that far.  Aside from the pain he is inflicting on me whenever I hear that song, the lyrics are seriously the worst thing I've ever heard. "It's 5 o clock in the morning. Conversation got boring..." blah blah blah I'm gonna go home and sneak into my girlfriend's bedroom so we can have sex while she's half asleep and kind of pissed at me because I came home so late but it's okay because I'm drunk and "I feel like performing with you in the bedroom." What a creeper douche bag. Also, why is his cell phone see-through in the video? Is that a real thing? If so, I want it. The only redeeming quality about this song is Lily Allen who sounds really good, like usual. My main question is though, why on earth did she decide to sing in this song? She must have been paid damn good, because it's such a STUPID song!  The weird thing about this song is that I've stopped switching the station when it comes on the radio. At first I was like "no way in hell!" and would switch it. But now I've gotten used to it and I can easily tune it out. Plus, like I said, Lily Allen sounds nice.

As for this "International Love" song. Today was the first time I'd heard it. It's one of those songs that sounds alright. Like, I can imagine dancing to it at a club and having a lot of fun. But I was in the car by  myself, so I was listening to the lyrics and it's horrible. Pitbull is so disgusting. Also, naming yourself "Pitbull" doesn't make you cool. You are not tough or cute like a dog. I dislike him. Especially after I saw the video. He keeps doing this weird one eyebrow up thing  that he must thing is hot but it's really not. Neither is is gross facial hair and how he doesn't "play football, but has touched down pretty much all around the world." What girl wants to have sex with him? But what bothers me most, aside from the ridiculous lyrics, is Chris Brown. Seriously, WHY??? First. Everyone hates him. And him singing a song about going around the world and having sex with women is so bad. He's an asshole and beat up Rihanna. And HIS HAIR IS SO UGLY IN THIS VIDEO I CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION!!!! What on Earth inspired him to bleach it? He looks like Sisqo. Except Sisqo had silver hair so that's slightly cooler because at least it's unique.  Also, Chris Brown is dancing like he thinks he's Michael Jackson. Which he isn't and never will be because he sucks big time, at music, life, and relationships. Other than that, I think maybe this song is supposed to be about one particular girl because it's saying "you" a lot, so basically he's telling some girl that she is really great just like all these places he's been too and he's fucked a ton of girls all over the world and she's better than all of them combined. Which I guess might be nice in a demented sort of way, but who wants a compliment that consists of "I've had sex with like 576768 girls, and you're better than them!" I'd be like "thanks, glad you're bringing up how slutty you are while trying to compliment me." Not gonna work.

Other top 40 songs:

*Rihanna- We Found love

I really like this song. I pretty much like every Rihanna song that comes on the radio. 

*LMFAO- Sexy and I Know it

They really know how to make a catchy song that is good to dance to at bars. The only problem with their songs is that they get old REALLY fast. And the "wiggle" part of this song is really, really obnoxious.

*Gym Class Heroes- Stereo Hearts

I'm normally a Gym Class Heroes fan but I HATE ADAM LEVINE. I can't think of another male singer who I seems as conceited (in a bad way) and annoying as him. And his voice. Ugh. 

*Maroon 5- Moves like Jagger Like I said above, Adam Levine. No way. And this video is just painful. As well as the "oooOooOooOooh moves like Jagger" over and over and over and over again.

*Foster the People- Pumped Up Kicks

I LOVE THIS SONG! It comes on the radio and it restores my faith in people and popular music for a few minutes.