It could be worse

• I could have no arms
• I could have too many arms
• I could have broccoli stuck in every tooth
• I could be wearing braces with broccoli stuck in every tooth
• I could be wearing braces with rubber bands and broccoli stuck in my teeth
• I could have a UTI
• I could be a cat with a URI
• I could be eating ice cream with crap hidden in it
• I could be climbing Mt. Everest
• I could be climbing a tree with biting ants infesting it
• I could be eating jello with crickets in it
• I could be bit by another angry cat that then escapes from the building
• I could be bit by a dog 2x my size
• I could look like this:

(the monster or the baby)

The happy couple

• I could have an inner-ear infection that makes me walk in a circle
• I could get my front tooth knocked out
• I could get dropped on my face in a horrible piggy back ride accident
• I could be on an airplane for 24 hours
• I could be lost somewhere in Ukraine
• I could be sleeping in a room with no heating or insulation while it's snowing outside
• I could be married to Chad Kroeger (no I couldn't, that's Avril's job)
• I could be sprayed by a skunk
• I could be so drunk that I'm trying to sleep on the bathroom floor next to the toilet
• I could be throwing up in the bathroom at the Banshee 
• I could have food poisoning from nasty old meat
• I could be staring at a dead fish
• I could be writing this ridiculous list on my phone instead of on my computer
• I could be eating sand
• I could be building a giant sandcastle when a wave comes and ruins the whole thing
• I could be gargling the mouthwash they make you use before getting your wisdom teeth out
• I could be working at Lifetouch
• I could be having sex dreams about ugly people
• I could be driving my car with the headlights off after drinking beers
• I could be listening to Taylor Swift's song "We are never ever getting back together" on repeat in a box where I am not allowed to turn the music off or change the station
• I could be listening to Dave Matthews Band's entire discography on repeat
• I could be listening to Maroon 5 while watching videos of Adam Levine being his usually douche-baggy self in a box where I can't turn off the projection or volume

F you, Adam

• I could be stuck on the other side of a glass wall where Chompy is looking at me adorably but I can't touch him
• I could be in jail
• I could be in Quebec surrounded by Chantalles but not be allowed to see Lydoyl
• I could have unlimited money but not be able to leave Chico
• I could find out that my mom is actually an alien in a human suit
• I could find out that I am also actually an alien in a human suit